One Week of Hell

Sunday: My parents left for their vacation; a romantic car ride to Cape Cod. Erik came by from 11a till about 3p, we just hung around the house. Steph babysat in the morning so I could nap, and Mimi was very helpful in the later part of the afternoon when Stephanie was at work from 2-10p (Bayshore). I made chicken cutlets and spaghetti for dinner. Mimi, Joshua & I went for a walk, gave Joshua a bath and went to bed.

Monday: Joshua was up half the night so of course I was too, so I made cinnamon apple muffins. I did some job searching, waiting to hear back from some people. Found out good news about our living situation; the apartment is ours as of September 1st :) Erik dropped by for a few minuets and we finally got to work figuring out some kind of budget for ourselves :\. Stephanie & Mimi went to the mall so I was home alone with Mr. Cranky Pants all day. They insisted on having Izumi's (local Japanese Food), we spent $50 and the food was disgusting!

Tuesday: Again Joshua was up half the night (he slept 11p-230a and then 530a-615a). Had a very late breakfast at lunch time (I made pancakes for all of us). Then I spent the day running errands (Stephanie tagged along); Bank of America to withdraw $ for Erik, TD bank about a fake check I got in the mail with no return address, Capitol One to open a new account to save $ for Joshua, stopped and bought a new wallet that I hate and want to return too. I ended up cooking dinner, I made a white-wine sauce for chicken stir-fry style over pasta.

I thought Stephanie & Mimi were supposed to be helping me? Why am I doing everything; run the dishwasher, wash the dishes, refill the cat-food box, feed and water the cat, cook, keep the two of them from fighting all the time, take out the trash, run up and down the stairs to get the clean laundry, lock up the house at night, open up windows etc in the morning, PLUS taking care of Joshua). All they have done is hold him and play with him while he was in a good happy mood, so I could do all the rest of the things they are supposed to be doing. Erik came over but he wasn't much help either he didn't change a single diaper and I still didn't get any sleep :( I did WAY too much yesterday and again today, I'm so damned tired and aching and hurting from doing too much, I feel physically sick. I'm so tired I'm not even sleepy anymore. I'm sick of listening to Stephanie bitch and moan and throw fits because I asked her to do something she doesn't want to do, or becuase she's afraid to fail the test she hasn't even studied for or because SHE is tired because she had to get up early for school... They actually had the nerve to complain about what I cooked for dinner. I should be the one playing with my son and enjoying his good moods while they do all the things I'm not even really supposed to be doing in the first place! I'm up all night listening to him scream and I'm the one holding him when he's cranky, why can't I hold him when he is happy & all smiles?

Another bone of contention at the moment is this; All these jerks who call themselves my friends, who either begged to be allowed to visit "after baby is born" or who have been promising to do so for the better part of 2 months now, but haven't bothered to show call or text. They can all kiss my ass.

Wednesday: I love that I went down to the basement to get Stephanie's nice clean laundry for her, and brought it up to her bedroom... no thank you. She saw I started but didn't finish making a big pot of tea, she just moved it out of her way. She didn't bother (for the 2nd day in a row) to wake Mimi before leaving for school, so that if I need help I'd have to climb the stairs to get it. I've barely slept in days and I haven't even bothered trying to cram in 3 square meals each day. I managed to get a shower this afternoon while Joshua napped in the bouncer in the bathroom with me. I finally had enough and complained to mom so of course my parents said something to Stephanie who threw a fit. We talked it out and I bitched at her and Mimi. I thought it was done and over. I cooked dinner again this time steaks with boiled potatoes. Over dinner she starts in again, harrassing me and bitching that (and I quote) "How the f*k should she know to do things if I don't ask for help" x_x Now I think I understand how Mom feels x_x !!!!!! I tried asking her to talk about this tomorrow because I'm tired and cranky and it's disgustingly hot out but no she kept going. I really tried not to be nasty. I just packed up Joshua, put him in the truck and left. I drove around for a while, finally decided to just go East and drove out to Erik. He was a little annoyed because he didn't want to go to sleep until he knew I'd gotten back home safe. Despite being a little annoyed (because he was very tired) I think he understood why I was there... he said "what were you thinking??" paused and looked at me for a few seconds and then said "oh come here" and gave me a hug. That helped more than words can describe, but I can still try. It felt like melting, as soon as he had his arms around me, I felt safe and happy again. It didn't matter than I was mad at my sisters or that I was tired as all hell. My head found it's favorite spot; that little nook on his collarbone, tucked under his chin. I feel removed from the rest of the world when he holds me like that. That is home to me, that is my safe place, my happy place. I'd give anything to stay there forever. ♥♥♥♥♥♥