April 4th 2010

Sunday, April 4th; We are 29 Weeks & 5 Days Pregnant ~ Only 72 Days to Go!

So Stephanie went back to Buffalo to school this morning. I lazied around until about 130/2pm then Mimi & I got gas for the truck & went to Bayside. We grabbed food @ the Bayside Market and met up with Tattie. The 3 of us went to Allie Pond park, and had a picnick :) it was actually a lot of fun, and it was SO nice to get out of the house & get some fresh air! We got home at like 5pm, I did some dishes for dad, and then rested for a while. Did dinner, and some art on the computer.

The Baby Shower thing has FINALLY worked itself out; the deal is that Mom & Dad are going to get the Travel System (Car Seat - Stroller combo thing), Mimi & Steph chipped in together they gave me $ to buy the bassinet which I will do next week. Mom & I will go out and get a few things, bare minimum (some basic cloths, pacifier, etc). There IS going to be a shower (yay me) May 16th the Sunday after Steph gets home for summer break. 1pm at my parents. Trying to get invites organized & out this week.

I got into a heated discussion with Mom who's actually been fairly good about things lately, regarding WHY I won't change my mind about doing a Brit'Milah and Pidyon ha-ben. (TRANSLATION: Brit'Milah is the circumcision of a baby boy 7 days after birth, & Pidyon ha-ben is the ritual redemption of the first born son) Erik & I had discussed between the two of us, and made decisions regarding this MONTHS ago, long before we ever told any of my family that I was even pregnant (we waited till 3mo before the announcement). Our decision was to do a circumcision immediatly following birth, in the hospital, by a doctor; NOT to wait SEVEN DAYS to let a Rabbi do it in my parents house. But for some reason, my mother is "bothered" by my un-willingness to do it the "Jewish way". We've discussed it, and she's accepted my decision because she has no choice. My grandfather is NOT so nice, he has harassed me on more than one occasion, trying to pull the guilt card that "It would remove some of the joy of this momentous occasion of OUR FIRST GRANDAUGHTER having our FIRST GREAT-GRANDSON if we could not attend his Brit. And I would be very distraught if you did not do a Pidyon ha-ben." I'm SICK of this garbage! I AM THE MOTHER and Erik is the father, the two of us do NOT want to do it. End of discussion. I'm tired of being harrassed, I'm tired of needing to explain my reasoning, I'm tired of defending my decisions, and I'm absolutely sick of being made to feel guilty! It's unfair to pressure a woman who is 7-months pregnant to accommodate and make EVERYONE ELSE happy! And in the end it isn't about THEM it's about MY SON godamnit! (sorry... just a little pissed........)

The only high point of my day (besides the picnick of course!) was after dinner, when my grandmother called from AZ to see how I was doing :) I love that woman. I think she's my favorite person in my entire family....

Finally to top this day that started out okay, went on very nicely, then began to slid downhill.... and send it into the depest pits of unhappiness..........
I called Erik around 12pm this afternoon, because I felt I aught to forget last night, it's probobly that he was 1/2 asleep, and tired and grumpy. When I spoke to him, he sounded much better and said he was feeling okay, which is ALL I WANTED TO KNOW. I told him "give me a call later or something okay?" he said "allrighty" and we said our ILY and our TTYLs.
So I guess I figured that I'd hear from him at some point? And that if I didn't I'd assume he'd fallen asleep again.... But somehow I knew I wouldn't hear from him. Surprise.. it's 11:15pm, haven't heard from him. And despite saying earlier that I'd just assume he fell asleep.. I can't help feeling that it's more like he just let himself forget ._.' I feel so easy to forget right now, so small & insignificant. Well... insignificant & unimportant maybe, I WISH that I felt small, because I feel FUCKING HUGE :'(