Rant: Another Day Wasted & Ruined

Wednesday March 10th; We are 26 Weeks & 1 Day Pregnant ~ 97 Days Left!

Another Day Wasted And Ruined (Warning: This is a Rant!)

This is getting ridiculous.. every day I'm on here bitching & crying. I feel like I'm back in H.S. except that in H.S. all my problems were in my head.

Every morning I wake up physically exhausted & in pain. But try so SO hard to be in a good mood. I usually manage to succeed until the boredom or the stir-crazies hit me. Even still a little boredom never killed anyone right? Each day I struggle to smile and enjoy the day. And a lot of times I really do succeed. But every goddamn afternoon something has to go wrong. Or every night the depression kicks in after I say goodnight.

How am I supposed to do this so far apart when I need him close the most. I feel like I might as well be doing it alone. My family is (despite everyone's reassurances that this is the best for me) no help at all. My mom makes me crazier than anything, I STILL can't get a straight answer out of her about a shower. My little sister makes me feel like I'm HER mom. The other sister is coming home soon, I don't even know how I'm gonna deal with that. Everyone will be HOME for spring break making me crazy day-in & day-out. The only person I seem to get along with is Dad and he's working x_x. But even still I can't talk to him like I need to talk.

Things are just getting to feel distant and strained between the two of us already and I've only been here a few weeks! How are we going to last till June???? Or even after????

I wish someone had really made me see what Pregnancy WAS instead of all the stupid bullshit I was told I never would have gotten myself into this in the first place. Not to say I regret it, I am excited to meet my son and I'll love him till the day I die. It's the pregnancy itself, the Delivery.. I can't handle even thinking about it and now I'm (basically) facing it alone. Because I cant just go home each night to a warm hug and a shoulder, to an ear to talk to.

Not to mention. I don't think I"m going to be welcome living here after he's born... once summer is over, everyone has to get back to their school-schedules. And mom says "it's not healthy for Mimi to wake up in the middle of the night to a crying baby". There is no PLACE IN THIS HOUSE for us, I'm sharing a bedroom with a 16yr old right now!!!!!!!!! And I have no idea whats going on with the apartment. All I know is I had to give back my set of keys, there's been no updates at all, I'm not even allowed to spend ONE NIGHT there. He isn't allowed to spend a night here again.... 16yr old sister...

I just want to go to sleep and wake up when it's over. Or wake up 10 yrs ago. Or idk.....

And yes... this is all because Erik called to say he isn't coming today. He's feeling worse not better and doesn't want to give me his cold or w/e he has, that I probably already have >_<'