The Groove

So life is finally getting back into it's familiar groove today. Waking up at 7 to my little monster's scrunched up face; being called out of dreamland by that "where's my boob at?!" cry. Joshua's new thing is that when he wakes up and cries if I don't come running right away he kicks his blankets up over his face, gets stuck, and then starts screaming bloody murder because he can't see anything LOL. Days consisting of snuggling warm little bodies and playtime on the floor, mixed with scrubbing dishes & counters we were too lazy to clean on our off-day (Sunday). I've been having a blast with play-time; I get down on the floor with him and giggle together for a while. We also read a few books today. He does the cutest thing, if you gently blow in his face his eyes get wide and he scrunches up his nose and gasps, then laughs. I've also discovered that he is quite ticklish, if I rub my nose back and forth across his belly he giggles like crazy!

We went and spent part of our day with Grandma on Saturday which was a nice treat for both Joshua & Grandma lol.

Yesterday I attempted to make Chili (my first try) and I really liked how it came out, Erik (who requested it) said it was "a good one-alarm chili" which I understand to mean on the mild side (my intention all along as I don't want to pass on anything too hot through the breastmilk!).
Tonight we had pork-chops (breaded in the oven) with mashed potatoes (from scratch) with home-made gravy. Yum.

Joshua is teething like crazy. Driving me nuts. He isn't eating too well. When he nurses he makes these little whimpering sounds it makes me want to cry. So I snuck about a teaspoon of applesauce into his rice-cereal this afternoon and chilled it in the fridge (right along with the spoon) before feeding it to him.. he gave me a big grin when the first spoonful of cold apple-rice hit his tongue and he devoured the whole little bowlful.

Goodness I suck...
I am in a minor amount of pain today; about 2 weeks ago I noticed (basically) a bump on my leg. I thought it was a pimple, applied some alcohol to dry it out and covered it in gauze so it would stay clean and not rub anything. Since it wasn't hurting, I forgot all about it in the crazy busy week we had last week. Last night I noticed it was still there and quite irritated from rubbing against my jeans all week (grr). Of course, being the idiot that I am, I did a little poking&proding at it. Turns out, it wasn't a pimple like I thought but an ingrown hair that had become infected x_x (ugh) so now I have (basically) a boil on my leg that hurts :( I spoke to my mother about it and checked it out online; all I can really do is put hot compresses on it and keep it clean and covered with gauze to minimize friction, wait for it to go away. Apparently "poking&proding" is the worst thing to do as it just makes it worse. Bummer. I just had to mess with it. Fail.

And now that I've filled you in on our week and completely grossed you out by sharing things I'm sure you don't need to or want to know about :) LOL. The good stuff...

I was sitting on the couch with Joshua this evening just after Erik got home (he was in the bathroom), and since it has been so nice out today (65 deg) I had the window open to let in some fresh air. I hear its "CERASHHH" from the front of the house. Beautiful. Destruction. A car accident :) Lmao.

Finally, now that I've expressed my pleasure in car accidents (as long as no-one I care about got hurt) and you are all well aware of how delightfully twisted of an individual I am (as if you don't already now..) I bid you adieu.

Unfortunatly though it's getting late (nearly 12am) and I'm tired. I've been up since 7am.

Thank You

Let me just say that I owe a HUGE HUGE HUGE Thank You to my parents this week.

This week was just insane. I was a busy little bee. I spent my week helping out a friend who is recovering from surgery by driving her daughter to and from work. I really didn't mind and was glad to be able to help, but what an EXHAUSTING week! Joshua has been fighting a cold and so wasn't sleeping through the night, then getting up at 6am each day..

Money has been very tight, so stress was running high and to try to keep things within budget my shopping cart this week was well, let's just say slim pickings and some missed meals so that I could buy more formula for Joshua. I must admit to getting a little bit emotional; maybe it was the lack of food, maybe it was the lack of sleep or the stress. I'm not really sure but I called my mother at the end of my wits, half in tears trying to figure out how to make all this work.I really just needed to get some stress off my mind by ranting. I really just was hoping for a suggestion or two and a sympathetic ear. Instead when I went by the house on Friday, my Dad spent the day taking me & Joshua shopping to BJs and then the supermarket and stocking us up. Every time I wasn't looking he'd throw something else in the cart. I couldn't stop thanking him, and I think I've called both my parents 4 or 5 times each to thank them again and again. We have a closet full of diapers, wipes, formula and food thanks to them. And it's amazing how much better I feel, how much BIG a difference eating 3 square meals a day without worrying about having dinner or diapers for the next day, makes it easier to deal with well.. everything.

Aside from saying THANK YOU which I have done a number of times and will keep doing every time I see them, speak to them or grab something from the fridge. I don't know how to thank them. Nothing seems adequate enough. Coming home and unpacking the bags I spread everything out before putting it away and all that I could say for an hour as I cleaned house and organized the pantry and cooked dinner was "Oh my god".

The biggest thing in my mind right now is "What was I thinking?!" All the times when I was in highschool that I hated on my parents. All the times I told them to leave me alone or that I didn't need their help.. What was I thinking?? They have been so good to me in so many ways that I didn't even realize until now. I'm a grown woman with my own child and they are STILL taking care of me when they can, when I need it. I feel filled with pride and gratitude and most of all inspiration. I hope that I can be half the parent to Joshua that they are to me.



***********ALSO*********

One of the blogs that I follow, Kelle Hampton ; she is an amazing woman, mother, photographer and writer. She wrote a post recently, To Thine Own Self Be True about Dove's Self Esteem Movement. I admire this woman very much. And this post is an emotional and spiritual boost. I needed this after the past week. The post is really about finding ones true self and what she wishes she could say to her 13 yr old self. It's also about figuring out how to give her own daughters the strength and confidence and character she tries to find in herself.

This really got me thinking. I wish I could go back and talk to my 13 yr old self. There's so many things I wish I could say. Things I wish I could tell myself not to do or say. I'd tell myself to do so many things while I had the chance. But then, if I'd lived a different life back then, I'd be a different person now...

I've begun to realize just how amazing and lucky I am to have found Erik. He is the best thing for me. He's helped me to see that I need to find myself and he's been guiding me on my search, even before I knew I was searching. Right now I am in this weird gap in life. I'm stuck somewhere between the very awkward "I hate myself, I hate life, I'm miserable because I've convinced myself that I aught to be miserable because that's what is cool" teenager stage, and the comfortable, cool and collected, confidant woman that I hope I can find in myself and somehow, someday become. I also realized that my biggest problem in life has been in trying to do what I think I'm supposed to, to live MY life by everyone else's standards. Or just to live life by standards at all. I've always tried to plan life out. I've convinced myself that I have to drive in-side the lane markings at all times, no changing lanes. That life is a straight line, a path carved in porcelain; unchanging forever. That once I get onto the correct path in life there will be a giant neon sign saying "YOU ARE HERE". But life isn't like that at all. Or some I'm finally learning. Life is all about the mistakes and the side streets, the roads that curve, and the scenic routs. It's all about going with the flow and living life to it's fullest in each moment just because you can. It's a mixed up, jumble of crazy good and crazy bad and everything somewhere in-between. And most of all there's no cookie cutter mold for me or for anyone. Life is just that, life. And to find your "right path" all you have to do is to tell that corner of your mind screaming for order and direction to "Shut Up", and go about your way LIVING it.

RazzT

This weekend was a crazy mix of Joshua & big-time cleaning. We got ourselves about 90% un-packed, which means of course that the place is finally starting to get organized, clean and to feel like home. It still needs work but then, hey, that's life... a work in progress :).

Joshua learned to "Razz" he sticks his little tongue out and goes "plhhhhlll" and makes spit bubbles. It's the cutest thing ever!!! And it's so funny; we now have conversations: Mommy sticks tongue out, Joshua sticks tongue out, Joshua giggles. ^_^!!!

Today I spent the day in Queens with dad. Picked up a few things at the store. My first experience with sausage today; we had sausage and peppers on potato-bread rolls. Honestly? It was pretty good.. I'm such a bad Jew!!!

The rest of this week is going to be a little hectic. Vicky is still not feeling 100% so I'm going to play taxi-driver. Well more truthfully, I'm going to be Meghan's personal chauffeur o_O'.

Grandma sent us a check for a house-warming gift. I bought a very nice set of baking gear by Pyrex :) I've also already used some of the gear and I'm love it. Pyrex is the most amazing brownie pan ever!! Lmao! Thank you Grandma!!!!! She also sent a hat that she made for Joshua; it's BEAUTIFUL!!!!

Finally I finished those legwarmers, they are more like ankle warmers since they keep falling down lmao but they are SO WARM!!!!!! I want to try adding a cuff to them to assist them staying up better though, so I guess they're back under-construction.

Pix coming... eventually...

New Projects

I woke up this morning, remarking on how chilly it was in the apartment. Today was raw outside, it wasn't so bad until the wind blew and then it was down right chilly! Lots of hot coffee today.

I am working on a new project. Crocheting up a pair of leg warmers for myself! I'll let you know how it works out. :) If I really like them, I may add them to my Etsy :)

Hectic Hectic new life

I'm loving my new life. Hectic and stressful as it is. I love love love waking up in the morning to Erik & Joshua sitting next to me in bed, breastfeeding and eating breakfast while Joshua watches PBS; lazying in our PJs. I don't mind spending my mornings doing dishes and cleaning around the apartment, seeing Erik at lunch time makes it worth it. I spend the rest of the day cleaning, un-packing, entertaining Joshua, running errands etc. Today is laundry day and food shopping. Then I start cooking dinner; it's supposed to rain tonight so I'm thinking of a big pot of hearty warm stew. The kind of comfort food that sticks to your ribs and heats you up from the inside :). Despite the October chill in the air, it's beautiful out; the sun is shinning and the air is crisp and cool. The sticky heat of summer is gone but it's still warm enough not to need a coat. Cool enough to enjoy cuddling up under the comforter at night. Lot's of un-packing to do again today, yesterday I finally got most of our cloths put away. And right now I'm listening to Joshua laughing and talking to the TV, he loves Sesame Street! Then when Erik gets home we can relax and just enjoy being a family, eat dinner together, bath time and then bed-time for Joshua. Once Joshua goes to bed, Erik and I can hang out like we used to :)) for a little while anyway lol.

I know I mentioned it in my last post but Joshua is doing so well. He's changed SO MUCH even just in the last week! He splashes in the tub and plays with his rubber ducky now. He thinks eating cereal is a game and laughs when I offer him a spoonful of food, sometimes stealing it and sometimes sneaking his hand into the bowl when I'm not looking! He's 25 inches tall and 14.4 pounds and according to the doctor, healthy & doing EXCELLENT.

I know I owe so many pictures but just don't have time these days!!!
Check out facebook for photos :)

Now I have to run; we have a very busy day ahead of us as I want to get everything done BEFORE it starts raining!! *** Fingers Crossed ***

On our own

So now we are all on our own. Me, Joshua & Erik. Life is hectic and exhausting.
Waking up at 7am, my mornings are spent in a flurry of feed + change baby, feed self, get us both dressed, dishes and errands.
Afternoons are a headache. Mr. Cranky-Pants and I are all alone, trying to make the beds, clean the apartment and get dinner started in addition to the usual feeding-changing. Erik doesn't get home from work until after 6.
Then it's dinner, bath-time, more feeding-changing, cranky baby, tired-cranky Erik. By the time I get the chance to relax all I want is to go to bed v_v and the fun starts all over the next day.
As desperately as we need me to work, I haven't found time to look for jobs lately!
We are all moved in, but the only room that isn't still in boxes is Joshua's room. And there are still boxes hiding in his closet. Our bedroom? a disaster that's not yet unpacked.
*sigh*
So I appologize for infrequent updates. Things need to settle down a bit :\

On the other hand, Joshua had a Doctor's apt yesterday. More vaccinations, which lead to a SUPER-CRANKY baby yesterday o_o. On the plus side the doctor was FINE with me feeding him cereals. He now weighs 14lbs 4oz and is 25in long!

MOVING

Thursday Erik told me "there is a moving van outside, start packing" and told me about 2 weeks.

Friday he told me how disgusting those people were; Karen spent her time cleaning up their mess!

Saturday Mom, Mimi & I had a girls day out (with Joshua of course) we went shopping in the morning, had a quick lunch on the go and then spent the afternoon at a local flee-market. I found the perfect ring :)! It's sterling silver with a really beautiful pearl. I really wanted something just like this; as pearl is Joshua's birth stone. Yay. I went home to feed Joshua and they went to Hagen-Daz. When Erik came over he told me "Oh Dave is holding off on the re-doing the bathroom, we're just going to fix what we need to for right now and do it next spring." Okay cool.
I cooked dinner and baked a huge tray of brownies for him :) I made a Moroccan dish called a Tangine, it's kind of like a Chicken Stew but totally awesome with all the veggies and seasonings I put in and over couscous it rocked my taste-buds. The brownies also came out nearly perfect ^_^ Dad watched Joshua for a while so Erik & I could go spend some time alone in the truck (about 15/20min). He tells me "Seriously start packing, 1 week".

Sunday we went to visit my grandparents in the morning x_x'' that was fun.. In the afternoon Joshua & I drove out to Massapequa to see the apartment for the first time. Let me just say that Karen is AMAZING; she showed me video on her phone of how disgusting the previous tenants left the apartment, compared to how clean it looks now she works MAGIC. They rented a Professional Steam-Carpet-Cleaner and replaced all the blinds, fixed up the tiles in the bathroom, re-painted the windowsills and basically scrubbed the whole place. THANK YOU DAVE & KAREN!!!! We hung out for a while then went over to Vicky's and had dinner which was DELICIOUS (Corned Beef). THANK YOU VICKY!

Monday Erik stopped by during work on his way back from NJ and we called Verizon to get the internet set up in the apartment (they are coming on Wed). Then Dad, Joshua & I braved the outdoors singing "Rain Rain Go Away" while trying to keep Joshua dry and avoid stepping in huge puddles; the 177th Street River flows yet again, LoL! We went to QCSB on Main St where the bank did something mind-bogglingly stupid and pissed me off... so now I have to go close my account there and take all my $ because I can't trust them anymore... just have to find the time. Next we went to BJ's in College Point and I picked up a few things for the Apartment. I did a little packing mostly dishes and things and braved the rain again, driving out to Massapequa. Dave & Erik spent 2 hours fixing the bath-tub faucets, then we did a little un-packing and had a quick and very un-healthy (21 Point) dinner at BK. I headed back to Queens around 11pm, nursed and put Joshua to bed and then passed out cold lol.

Today well.. I spent most of the morning dealing with Mr.Cranky-Pants, amidst Instant Oatmeal breakfasts (yep.. it's chilly enough for Oatmeal YAY). Now I hopped on the internet to relax a little over my Yogurt. Now since he's napping I'm going to run around like a chicken with no head packing :) Mom & I have WW tonight @ 5pm, OUR scale says I lost 4lbs, I'm hoping their scale agrees!!

Apparently Joshua has a milk allergy (yuck), when he had 1 oz of milk-formula he had hysterics and horrible gas, tummy aches and cried for about 3 1/2 hours, took a nap, woke up and threw up :\ I also noticed a little bit of rash around his mouth the same day but it and the reaction were over by the next morning (wheph!).
On the other hand he's doing very well with the rice cereal (he's been on it about 8 or 9 days now) so I'm going to start him on Barley in the morning and switch Rice to evenings.

Apologies to all if I don't post much or get online much to chat or do anything else, my priority at the moment is moving :)!